Tag Archives: support for parents

Helping your Child to Overcome Bullying

Helping your child to overcome bullying

Bullying can be an upsetting and frightening experience; it is prevalent among both adults and children and can have a major negative impact on a person’s overall well-being. There is much research to support and bring to light the prevalence of bullying within Northern Ireland. A study conducted by Ulster University[1] provides some evidence regarding bullying. They found that in primary schools 40% of pupils and 30% of post-primary pupils reported having been bullied at school. Worryingly, they found that 25% of primary pupils and 28% of post-primary pupils admitting to bullying others.

An independent poll commissioned by the Northern Ireland Anti-Bullying Forum[2] discovered that more than half of respondents had personally experienced bullying in the last six months. The poll found that one in three people admitted to being ‘picked on’ while almost a quarter of people admitted that bullying happened a lot. The poll also found that the majority of bullying occurred within school, on the internet or travelling to/from school.

Since the Covid-19 pandemic began, the poll revealed that almost three quarters of participants who stated they had more than one good friend before lockdown occurred in March 2020 has dropped to 62%. 23% of people stated Covid-19 had escalated bullying particularly online. This indicates the prevalence of bullying is higher now more than ever.

Bullying, what is it?

Bullying is consistent and intentional, exploitation of power in a relationship. It is the physical or emotional hurting of one individual or group to another individual or group and can be in-person or online[3] and can be obvious or hidden (behind someone’s back).

Types of bullying:

Physical bullying involves the intentional physical harm to an individual, such as kicking, biting, spiting, punching, pushing, hair pulling, threats and damaging ones belongings.

Verbal bullying involves hurtful verbal abuse, such as name calling, insulting, racist and homophobic remarks, untiring teasing and cursing.

Social bullying this often happens behind a person’s back, where an individual or a group wishes to ruin another person’s social reputation or embarrass them, such as making up false stories, spreading nasty jokes, exclusion, making unkind faces and gestures.

Cyber bullying involves bullying behaviours across the use of technology, for example, on smartphones, tablets, laptops, social media, chat rooms, texting, websites or any online platform, in which a person or group may send hurtful messages, post negative remarks or photographs of an individual, exclusion or spread nasty rumours.

Racist bullying involves ongoing exposure to offensive and hurtful behaviours towards an individual’s skin colour, culture, religion or ethnicity, such as name calling, mocking, and physically hurting an individual, humiliation, exclusion and vandalism[4].

Emotional bullying involves consistently hurting an individual’s emotional well-being, such as teasing, name-calling, belittling, humiliating, disempowering and lying to another individual[5].

How to recognise the signs of bullying:
  • Physical attributes: unexplained cuts and bruises, loss of appetite, not sleeping, bed wetting
  • Emotional attributes: showing signs of anxiety, stress, depression, aggression
  • Social attributes: avoidance of places, such as school or social activities, very few friends, isolation, avoidance of social media

 

One Kind Word: Anti-Bullying Campaign

In 2020, the ‘One Kind Word’ campaign from the Northern Ireland Anti-Bullying Forum was a massive success with 80% of schools taking part, which included over 7.5 million children and young people

How you could promote ‘One Kind Word’:
  • Just say hello
  • Apologise when required
  • Ask someone ‘are you okay?’ if they look to be having a bad day
  • Speak to someone who looks to be excluded
  • Pay a compliment
  • Invite or organise a date with a friend

‘One Kind Word’ can make a person’s day, giving them a moment of hope and happiness, changing their perspective and break the cycle of bullying. Being kind promotes kindness from others[6].

 

Tips for helping your child to overcome bullying

  1. Listen and reassure: Put your own feelings aside and listen to what your child is telling you when talking about bullying. Allow them to explain what is happening and accept what they are saying. Praise your child for telling you and let them know
    they did the right thing getting help. Make sure your child knows this isn’t their fault, and reassure them that they are loved and valued.
  2. Find out the facts: Repeat back to them what you have heard from them about the bullying to show you have listened and ask your child how they want to move forward. If they feel involved in deciding what to do they will be less
    likely to become more stressed or anxious than they already are
  3. Stay Calm: Try to remain calm and not over-react. Your child may be
    really worried about telling you they are being bullied and could
    be scared that your reaction will make things worse
  4. Talk to your child’s school or club: Schools have a responsibility to
    protect pupils from bullying. Talk to them whether it is happening in or out
    of school. If the bullying is happening at a youth club, speak to the leader in charge. Arrange a meeting, bring any evidence you have of the bullying
    and express the impact it is having on your child. You might want to
    jot down notes from what is said at the meeting. Ask for a copy of the
    school’s Anti-Bullying policy and ask what action will be taken making sure
    everyone is in agreement with what should be done. Arrange to meet
    again to be updated of any progress
  5. Line of contact: If the bullying continues and you are not happy with the schools response from either the child’s teacher or principal, you can write to the Chair of the schools Board of Governors. If the situation continues, you can write a formal
    complaint to the Education Authority or CMS Board.

 

[1] https://www.researchgate.net/publication/237653189_Bullying_in_Schools_A_Northern_Ireland_Study

[2] Young people reveal scale of bullying in schools – The Irish News

[3] https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/all-about-bullying/understanding-bullying/definition

[4] http://www.endbullying.org.uk/what-is-bullying/prejudice-based-bullying/racial-bullying/

[5] https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-bullying-and-how-to-deal-with-an-emotional-bully

[6] https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/anti-bullying-week/anti-bullying-week-2021-one-kind-word

Sink or Swim Programme- Southern Trust

Duration: Every Wednesday for 6 weeks beginning on the 23rd of February 2022 for 1.5 hours from 10.00am – 11.30am

This programme provides parents with a greater awareness of mental health issues and deals sensitively with the issues faced by children when a parent is emotionally unwell.  For parents it can be difficult to explain to their children what is happening and for the child it is difficult to make sense of their parent’s attitude and behaviour. 

It offers practical tips and factual information to meet the child’s needs and reduce their anxiety when their parent is experiencing a mental health issue.

Online via Zoom

To register call us on freephone 0808 8010 722!

Walking on Eggshells- South Eastern Trust

Non-Violent Resistance Online Programme

Duration: Every Thursday for 8 weeks beginning on 3rd February 2022 and ending on the 24th March 2022
Aim: To provide parents with the skills to achieve a calmer and violent free home

Child to parent violence is an abuse of power through which the child or adolescent attempts to coerce, control or dominate others in the family.

The Parents Walking on Eggshells Programme uses the principles of Non-Violent Resistance to help parents experiencing child to parent violence overcome their sense of helplessness, develop a support network, stop destructive behaviours inside the home and improve relationships between family members.

  • Overcome sense of helplessness
  • Develop a support network
  • Stop destructive behaviours
  • Improve family relationships

This programme is particularly suited to parents of children aged 8-16 years old.

Call 0808 8010 722 to register.

Freephone number is currently available Monday – Thursday 9:30 am – 3:30 pm and Friday 9:30 am – 12:30 pm. 

Walking on Eggshells- Belfast

Non-Violent Resistance Online Programme

Duration: Every Monday for 8 weeks beginning on 31st January 2022 and ending on the 21st March 2022 for 2 hours from 7.00pm – 9.00pm

Aim: To provide parents with the skills to achieve a calmer and violent free home

Child to parent violence is an abuse of power through which the child or adolescent attempts to coerce, control or dominate others in the family.

The Parents Walking on Eggshells Programme uses the principles of Non-Violent Resistance to help parents experiencing child to parent violence overcome their sense of helplessness, develop a support network, stop destructive behaviours inside the home and improve relationships between family members.

  • Overcome sense of helplessness
  • Develop a support network
  • Stop destructive behaviours
  • Improve family relationships

This programme is particularly suited to parents of children aged 8-16 years old.

Call 0808 8010 722 to register.

Freephone number is currently available Monday – Thursday 9:30 am – 3:30 pm and Friday 9:30 am – 12:30 pm. 

Parenting Children’s Challenging Behaviour – Southern Trust

Duration: Every Monday for 6 weeks beginning on Monday 24th January 2022 for 1.5 hours from 7.00pm- 8.30pm

Aim: To help parents understand and manage their children’s challenging behaviours

The Parenting Children’s Challenging Behaviour programme will:

  • Help parents understand children’s behaviours
  • Recognise the triggers to their child’s behaviour
  • Give practical tips on how to reinforce positive behaviour

The programme promotes the Authoritative Parenting style which research shows to be the most effective.

The programme is particularly suited to those parenting children aged 2-10 years old.

For parents living in the Southern Trust area

Online via Zoom

Cal 0808 8010 722 to register!

Parenting Children’s Challenging Behaviour – Derry

Duration: Every Friday for 6 weeks beginning Friday 5th February
Aim: To help parents understand and manage their children’s challenging behaviours

The Parenting Children’s Challenging Behaviour programme will:

  • Help parents understand children’s behaviours
  • Recognise the triggers to their child’s behaviour
  • Give practical tips on how to reinforce positive behaviour

The programme promotes the Authoritative Parenting style which research shows to be the most effective.

The programme is particularly suited to those parenting children aged 2-10 years old.

Online via Zoom

Cal 0808 8010 722 to register!

Family Finances

2020 has been a year like no other. Almost no family across the world has been unaffected, either directly or indirectly by the unprecedented challenges posed by a global pandemic, multiple lockdowns, and ongoing restrictions. One area that many families have found themselves in particular difficulties is finances. For many families, being on furlough or being without work unexpectedly has created a real strain on their finances. This is compounded by the holiday season, and a general desire to make what will inevitably be an unusual and in some ways distressing Christmas ‘more special’ by buying more gifts. This article will look at ways to explain the realities of finances to children, without scaring them or causing undue distress.

Just as there is no ‘easy’ way to have financial problems, there is no easy way to explain them to children. Parents will often try to ‘shelter’ their children and decide to hide money problems from them. This is understandable, as the child cannot do anything about the situation, and parents will want to spare them the worry. However, this secrecy may cause issues for the family down the line and some experts suggest parents should talk more openly about their family’s money situation. While it is important not to scare or worry children, keeping them in the dark might lead to further stress or strain down the line. Just like adults, children can make better decisions if they have a better understanding of the situation.

For younger children, parents should remember that you are not ‘depriving’ your child by setting limits and living within your means. While the newest toys and designer clothing seems very important, they are much less important than healthy food, heat or electricity in your home. Explaining to your child that they cannot have a new toy now – but to wait until a holiday or birthday is a good way to teach them to delay gratification. This will make each new gift more special and help to emphasise the value of the item.

For slightly older children, parents should empathise and relate to their child’s situation. Tell them that there are things you would like to have but cannot afford right now. Do not say this in a way that the child may blame themselves (for example saying ‘if I didn’t have to buy you a new bicycle, I’d…’). Instead, you can both set goals to save for and celebrate together when you meet them. Setting limits and rules and sticking to them for money is a good way to encourage good financial behaviour going forward.

If children understand that money is not limitless, their expectations will be more in line with what is realistic, particularly for your family. This can naturally be more difficult under certain circumstances, for example at Christmas. A child might not understand why their family can or cannot afford a particular toy, they might struggle to comprehend why some children get more toys or gifts than others. Exactly how your family deals with this issue is up to you as a parent as often traditions are unique to each family. However, you might want to explain that every families situation is different and use it as an opportunity to discuss the importance of spending time together and how fortunate you are that you are able to do that.  As children grow up it is much more likely that it will be the trip to the park for a jump in muddy puddles or the rolling down the hill in the snow rather than how many presents they got that they remember.

Even if you are not facing difficulties, children are remarkably preceptive and will soon understand signs of wealth or poverty. They may ask, for example why they (or their classmates) get free school meals. They may wonder why some children’s clothes or school supplies are not as good as others. While primary school may be a little early to have a conversation about post-industrial capitalism, it is a good idea to speak about some of the realities that your child will encounter. Even if you are not trying to explain your own circumstances, taking the chance to talk about money, budgeting, poverty and unfairness is an excellent way to foster empathy. This way, you can encourage your child to not flaunt any expensive gifts, and to not tease those less fortunate than themselves. Instead, they can be taught the value of sharing and importance of non-financial things.

Teaching your child the value of money early can be useful as well. Many parents will shy away from sharing particular details that a child may innocently ask – how much dad makes a month, how much does mummy have in the saving account, or if granny is ‘rich’. These simple questions might be rude if an adult asked – but a child has no concept of the societal aspect of wealth. They do not know why someone might not want to discuss their salary. Parents should share as much as they think is appropriate, but also explain why someone might want to keep those things private.

Teaching children simple monetary concepts at appropriate ages can help them to understand value later in life. As early as 5 or 6, children begin to start to understand simple things like identifying different coins and counting change. This presents an excellent opportunity to talk to them about the value of money and to teach them that it does not grow on trees (or appear like magic from an ATM).

Giving them a small amount of money, particularly tied to suitable chores can help them to understand the relationship between work and money. Many parents will be tempted to force children to save their money. However, it is also important to recognise that if they never spend even a little of ‘their’ money they will not necessarily understand the true value of it. Having a savings account when they turn 18 is good, but if they have no concept of costs it may not last as long as you would hope. On the other hand, once a child has experienced how quickly shopping can drain an account they might ration or save for more valuable purchases.

One very important thing that you can do as a parent is not get caught up in ‘competition’ with other families. No one benefits from parents putting immense pressure on themselves to buy all of the newest, most expensive items (aside from the manufacturers). It can be difficult to ignore it when your child’s friend has something that your child wants, but you cannot afford. Just remember that you do not know the reality of their family’s situation. Comparing yourself and stressing over not being ‘good enough’ because you cannot afford a toy or trip does no one any good. Focus on meeting the basic needs of your children, and teaching them to be financially literate. They may complain about not getting what they want, but you are setting them up for success in the future.

If you are struggling with talking to your child about finances or money issues, you can always get parenting support on the Parenting NI Supportline on 0808 8010 722.

Coping with Christmas


This free, online session on the 10th of December from 7.30 – 8.30 pm discusses parent’s concerns about Christmas, explores setting expectations and equips parents with the skills to manage family conflict and stress during the holiday period.

Session made possible with support from the McCall Social Fund.

Available for parents in the Antrim & Newtonabbey area.

Call freephone 08088010722 to register!

Supporting Teens Positive Body Image for Practitioners

With altered images in the media & the pressure to look good, it can have an impact on teenagers’ body image. Through the teenage years, it’s important to help raise their self-esteem & for them to feel more self-accepting. This session helps practitioners support parents to help develop their teenager’s positive self-image and be more self-accepting

Book Now