Tag Archives: parenting

Walking on Eggshells Downpatrick

Non Violent Resistance Programme

Due to funding stipulations for this programme is only available to women at this time. Men interested in this programme can contact our Helpline on 0808 8010 722 to be placed on a waiting list and contacted when the next suitable programme becomes available.

Duration: Every Monday for 8 weeks
Aim: To provide parents with the skills to achieve a calmer and violent free home

Child to parent violence is an abuse of power through which the child or adolescent attempts to coerce, control or dominate others in the family.

The Parents Walking on Eggshells Programme uses the principles of Non Violent Resistance to help parents experiencing child to parent violence overcome their sense of helplessness, develop a support network, stop destructive behaviours inside the home and improve relationships between family members.

  • Overcome sense of helplessness
  • Develop a support network
  • Stop destructive behaviours
  • Improve family relationships

This programme is particularly suited to parents of children aged 8-16 years old.

All parents and carers need to complete an initial telephone assessment to ensure the programme is suitable for their family circumstances. Call 0808 8010 722 to complete and register. If you would prefer you can complete the Expression of Interest form at the bottom of the page and we will get in touch with you. Please note that sometimes this can take a few days.

 

 

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Lisburn

Duration: Every Wednesday for 2 hours
Aim: To improve the parent/adolescent relationship

FREE for parents/carers to attend

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Leave me alone.”

“You’re a melter!”

These phrases are often all too familiar for parents of teenagers. The teenage years can be notoriously challenging but Parenting NI and the Odyssey, Parenting Your Teen Programme can help you navigate your way through the reality of parenting teenagers.

The programme promotes the Authoritative Parenting style, which has been proven to be most effective.

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Topics

The programme explores a range of topics relating to parenting young people, including:

  • Teen Development
  • Self-Esteem
  • Setting boundaries
  • Rules and consequences
  • Dealing with conflict
  • Problem solving

Call us now on 0808 8010 722 to register. If you would prefer you can complete the Expression of Interest form at the bottom of the page. Completing this form does not secure you a place on the programme, you will need to complete a short registration over the phone. Once the team receive your details they will be in touch to complete your registration. Please note this can sometimes take a few days.

 

Walking on Eggshells Enniskillen

Non Violent Resistance Programme

Due to funding stipulations for this programme is only available to women at this time. Men interested in this programme can contact our Helpline on 0808 8010 722 to be placed on a waiting list and contacted when the next suitable programme becomes available.

Duration: Every Monday for 8 weeks
Aim: To provide parents with the skills to achieve a calmer and violent free home

Child to parent violence is an abuse of power through which the child or adolescent attempts to coerce, control or dominate others in the family.

The Parents Walking on Eggshells Programme uses the principles of Non Violent Resistance to help parents experiencing child to parent violence overcome their sense of helplessness, develop a support network, stop destructive behaviours inside the home and improve relationships between family members.

  • Overcome sense of helplessness
  • Develop a support network
  • Stop destructive behaviours
  • Improve family relationships

This programme is particularly suited to parents of children aged 8-16 years old.

All parents and carers need to complete an initial telephone assessment to ensure the programme is suitable for their family circumstances. Call 0808 8010 722 to complete and register. If you would prefer you can complete the Expression of Interest form at the bottom of the page and we will get in touch with you. Please note that sometimes this can take a few days.

 

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Belfast

Duration: Every Thursday for 2 hours
Aim: To improve the parent/adolescent relationship

FREE for parents/carers to attend

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Leave me alone.”

“You’re a melter!”

These phrases are often all too familiar for parents of teenagers. The teenage years can be notoriously challenging but Parenting NI and the Odyssey, Parenting Your Teen Programme can help you navigate your way through the reality of parenting teenagers.

The programme promotes the Authoritative Parenting style, which has been proven to be most effective.

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Topics

The programme explores a range of topics relating to parenting young people, including:

  • Teen Development
  • Self-Esteem
  • Setting boundaries
  • Rules and consequences
  • Dealing with conflict
  • Problem solving

Call us now on 0808 8010 722 to register. If you would prefer you can complete the Expression of Interest form at the bottom of the page. Completing this form does not secure you a place on the programme, you will need to complete a short registration over the phone. Once the team receive your details they will be in touch to complete your registration. Please note this can sometimes take a few days.

 

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Newtownabbey

Duration: Every Wednesday for 2 hours
Aim: To improve the parent/adolescent relationship

FREE for parents/carers to attend

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Leave me alone.”

“You’re a melter!”

These phrases are often all too familiar for parents of teenagers. The teenage years can be notoriously challenging but Parenting NI and the Odyssey, Parenting Your Teen Programme can help you navigate your way through the reality of parenting teenagers.

The programme promotes the Authoritative Parenting style, which has been proven to be most effective.

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Topics

The programme explores a range of topics relating to parenting young people, including:

  • Teen Development
  • Self-Esteem
  • Setting boundaries
  • Rules and consequences
  • Dealing with conflict
  • Problem solving

Call us now on 0808 8010 722 to register. If you would prefer you can complete the Expression of Interest form at the bottom of the page. Completing this form does not secure you a place on the programme, you will need to complete a short registration over the phone. Once the team receive your details they will be in touch to complete your registration. Please note this can sometimes take a few days.

 

 

Parenting Apart Belfast (Dads Only)

This programme is being delivered as part of the Dads Project and therefore is open to men only. Thanks to funding from Big Lottery Fund NI this is free for dads to attend.

Duration: Every Tuesday for 6 weeks

The Parenting Apart programme is aimed at parents who have separated, are separating, divorced or thinking of divorce.

The programme will provide practical advice and guidance about what children need to know, and what parents can do to meet their children’s need. Although parents are immersed in their own difficulties, this programme can help parents focus on the child’s needs with the aim of minimising the impact of the separation.

The programme explores:

  • Emotional impact
  • Parenting roles
  • Changes in relationships
  • Legalities
  • Financial impact
  • Moving on

To register drop us a line to dadsproject@parentingni.org or call/text 07739466532. Alternatively you can complete an expression of interest below.

Parenting Apart Limavady (Dads Only)

This programme is being delivered as part of the Dads Project and therefore is open to men only. Thanks to funding from Big Lottery Fund NI this is free for dads to attend.

Duration: Every Tuesday for 6 weeks

The Parenting Apart programme is aimed at parents who have separated, are separating, divorced or thinking of divorce.

The programme will provide practical advice and guidance about what children need to know, and what parents can do to meet their children’s need. Although parents are immersed in their own difficulties, this programme can help parents focus on the child’s needs with the aim of minimising the impact of the separation.

The programme explores:

  • Emotional impact
  • Parenting roles
  • Changes in relationships
  • Legalities
  • Financial impact
  • Moving on

To register drop us a line to dadsproject@parentingni.org or call/text 07739466532. Alternatively you can complete an expression of interest below.

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Newry

Duration: Every Thursday for 2 hours
Aim: To improve the parent/adolescent relationship

FREE for parents/carers to attend

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Leave me alone.”

“You’re a melter!”

These phrases are often all too familiar for parents of teenagers. The teenage years can be notoriously challenging but Parenting NI and the Odyssey, Parenting Your Teen Programme can help you navigate your way through the reality of parenting teenagers.

The programme promotes the Authoritative Parenting style, which has been proven to be most effective.

Odyssey Parenting Your Teen Topics

The programme explores a range of topics relating to parenting young people, including:

  • Teen Development
  • Self-Esteem
  • Setting boundaries
  • Rules and consequences
  • Dealing with conflict
  • Problem solving

Call us now on 0808 8010 722 to register. If you would prefer you can complete the Expression of Interest form at the bottom of the page. Completing this form does not secure you a place on the programme, you will need to complete a short registration over the phone. Once the team receive your details they will be in touch to complete your registration. Please note this can sometimes take a few days.

 

 

Video Games and Your Child or Young Person: A Parent’s Guide

Last year, Parenting NI wrote an article on video games and your children, which is available here. In that article, we spoke about the impacts of video games on children. We also spoke the positive and negative effects games might have on your child or young person, and went thorough where you might get more information.

However, due to consistent calls on the topic to the Regional Parent’s Helpline, we realised that it would be useful if we gave parents an overview of the games their children are playing.

Photo by Jessica Lewis

So, do you know your Battle Royales from your MOBAs? Do you know how much 100 “Vbucks” cost? Is your child or young person in a “clan” online? If you don’t know what any of this means – don’t worry! This article will go through three of the most popular games as of August 2018, and explain a few mechanics that are common in many games that parents should be aware of.

Roblox – PEGI rating “7”

If you have quite young children (particularly if they are still in primary school) you may have heard of Roblox. Launched in 2006, Robolox is what is called a “Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game” or MMORPG for short.

So what makes Roblox different, and what makes it particularly popular with younger children? Well, firstly, like all three games on this list Roblox is “free to play”. That means that in order to download and play the game, no money is required. This makes it accessible for children. Secondly, the unique element of Roblox is that is functions somewhat like an online version of LEGO. Players can develop their own games, which are hosted in a social media style list.

In fact, it is easier to understand Roblox not as a single, large game, but as a collection of many hundreds of smaller mini-games. You keep the same “character” in each of these games, and players can pay real money to customise their character. There are a wide range of “games” to play on Roblox. Unlike a typical game the quality, length and style of these games is varied. Many are copies of more popular games.

The appeal, particularly to younger children is the opportunity to play a sort of off-brand version of games that they may otherwise be unable to afford or that their parents are unwilling to purchase. For example, one of the most popular games is “Mining Simulator” based on Minecraft.

Gameplay – or what exactly players do in game – can vary widely. In one game, they may be building collaboratively, or attempting to work together to escape a maze. They may be pretending to be the manager of a company, or they may be fighting one another. Because of the simplistic and child-like graphics of Roblox, even potentially violent imagery is unlikely to be considered very offensive according to video games rating organisations.

Parents should be aware that while most games are harmless and the variety means that children have an opportunity to play many different types of games, there are issues with quality control. There have been incidents of inappropriate or obscene content and games. While Roblox attempts to keep this to a minimum, the volume of games (there are thousands of game types) makes this difficult. Not all games are free – some require a user to pay a fee (usually small) to access the game. However, because these games are user-created there are no specific rules about what must or must not be paid for.

Photo by Soumil Kumar

If you have a child or young person who plays Roblox, then you have most likely been asked to purchase “ROBUX” before. As previously mentioned, Roblox is free to play the basic game. However, the game earns money by selling in-game items for your in-game character. These are often user-generated and have an enormous variety. These items are bought using in game money called “Robux”. There are a number of ways in which a player might earn ROBUX, but the primary method is purchasing for real money.

Keeping in mind that there are more than 6000 items) it is easy to see how Roblox can become an expensive hobby quickly, despite being “free to play”. In addition, the items for sale may or may not be suitable for younger children. Because of the exclusivity of the paid for items, there is prestige associated with having them in game. This contributes to the appeal for players, particularly young players who have limited access to the money to buy the items themselves.

A strong component of Roblox popularity is the social aspects of the game. While most online games will have some form of interactivity, the “massively multiplayer” aspect of Roblox is one of the primary draws for players. Each game type will have multiple separate games playing called “servers”. Servers are listed and players can join if they are open and have spare slots.

A player will not necessarily know the other players on their server. Each server (and game type) will be different, and as such may have different rules and regulations. Some basic rules apply over all servers, which Roblox have collected in their community guidelines. These are fairly extensive and ban things like swearing, sexualisation and bullying. It is important for parents to keep in mind that much of this moderation requires the behaviours being reported, and therefore can be inconsistent or slow.

Players can add others to a “friends list”, if they both have a Roblox account. While this is helpful for children or young people who wish to play together, there is no requirement that that they know each other in real life. Parenting NI would recommend parents get to know who is on their child’s “friend list”.

Fortnite – PEGI rating “12”

If you have heard of any of the games on this list, you have probably heard of Fortnite. Fortnite is a shooter game, played in either first person (looking “though” the eyes of the player) or third-person (looking over the shoulder of the player) perspective.  Fortnite was first released in 2017, reaching 125 million players by June of 2018.

While there are two main game “styles”, by far the more popular is “Battle Royale”. This mode pits up to 100 individual players into a last-man standing battle. Players can play alone (called Solos) or in squads of twos (Duos) or fours (Quads). Players start in a “battle bus”, a literal bus pictured above which flies over the playing field. Players jump (or “drop”) at a chosen point. Upon landing, they scavenge for items such as guns and armour and seek to be the last person (or team) alive. At this point, the game is over and a winner is announced. They can also build structures or defences in the game in real time.

Photo by Jamie McInall

Like Roblox, Fortnite is free to play the base game. Those seeking “skins” (costumes for player characters), “emotes” (animations such as dances) or other cosmetic items must purchase these with in-game money called “Vbucks”. VBucks range in price – because Fortnite can be played on the Xbox, a computer, on a phone or other platforms. They can be spent in-game on a rotating selection of items.

There are a number of subtle marketing tactics that are in play with in-game purchases as opposed to using real money. Firstly, any given item is only available to purchase in a random rotation. When a player sees a costume they want, there is an urgency to buy right away – or else they may have to wait an undetermined period of time for another chance.

Secondly, the fact that Vbucks are bought in blocks of hundreds, players usually have left over in-game currency. This creates a feeling that unused currency is “money wasted” and encourages further purchases of Vbucks to “make use” of the remainder.

In this way, the game makes buying items quickly and repeatedly very appealing to a player. It also helps to explain why a child may be insistent on day that a parent provide money, and seem relatively disinterested the next. Those who do not (or cannot afford to) buy items are sometimes mocked as “no-skins” or “nobodies”.

The popularity of Fortnite is intrinsically linked to “streaming”, this is the practice of sharing video in real-time of your game play with others. The two most popular websites for streaming are Youtube and Twitch. As of writing, there are more than 121,000 people watching Fortnite on switch and the most popular “streamers” are casting to an audience in excess of 29,000 viewers. The appeal of watching their favourite “streamers” is similar to watching a professional sport match. Those watching a stream can communicate with each other and with the person casting via a “chat” system. A sub-culture often sprouts up around a particular streamer. This can include in-jokes, common slang terms and other elements that are easily identifiable to those in the know, and unintelligible to those without.

Popular streamers are able to earn significant sums of money from donations, brand deals and advertising. The prospect of making money playing video games, along with having loyal fans explains why many children have begun to see “streamer” or “youtuber” as an exciting potential career. If a group of children or young people at school all follow the same streamer, it can become an important part of their social life. However, it is very important for parents to understand that while the video game is providing the background and content for the stream, the stream itself is not regulated in the same manner.

League of Legends – PEGI rating “12”

League of Legends, or LoL is a free to play Multiplayer Online Battle Arena or MOBA game. In this game, and others like it (Defence of the Ancients 2, Smite and Heroes of the Storm for example) two teams of 3-5 each players choose “champion” characters and battle for control of a map. League of Legends is arguably the most popular MOBA – with around 100 million active players per month. Like Fortnite or Roblox, League of Legends is free to play, and makes money by selling in-game items and characters.

Photo by Hitesh Choudhar

There are around 140 different “champions” in League of Legends. Each has a slightly different play style –for example, one may be effective at long range or may be able to heal friends of damage. League of legends is an older game, first released in 2009. Its game play is also arguably more complex and challenging than Roblox’s most popular modes and Fortnite’s battle royale. As a result of both of these factors, the player base for League of Legends tends to be a little older. In all likelihood, if your child or young person is playing league of legends or another MOBA they will be in their mid to later teens. If they are playing League of Legends or other MOBA games, and are younger, parents should be particularly cautious.

Not every champion is available to play at all times. Each week, a different selection of champions will be available to play for free. If a player wishes to play as a champion who is not in the current rotation, they have to purchase them.  In League of Legends, there are two types of currency, a standard and premium. These are:

“Riot Points” – this is the premium currency. These must be bought and can be used to purchase cosmetic items and champions.

“Blue Essence” – This is the standard currency, and is earned via playing the game.

By having some items available to purchase with points rather than only for real money, the developers can argue that they are not as exploitative as normal free to play games. One of the issues with this is that the quality and range of items available for purchase with premium currency is much more than with standard.

One of the major concerns that parents may have about League of Legends and other MOBA games is the toxicity of the community that their child is playing with. While all online games will have a level of unpleasant behaviour, League of Legends is renowned for having a particular problem with this. While the developers of the game have made consistent efforts to address this, the gameplay loop of league of legends is uniquely susceptible to problem behaviour.

If your child or young person is having strong reactions to their performance in video games, the best step a parent can take is to talk to them. Parents may justifiably feel that their child or young person is overreacting to a loss in a game, but should take the time to consider why they may be acting in this way. It is possible that they are simply upset about the game, but equally it may be a sign of more general frustration in life.

Asking your young person why they feel so emotionally invested and get so upset is an opportunity to talk about feelings and how to deal with emotions. Simply shutting them down and telling them to “get over it” may inadvertently cause more stress.

Payment and Parental Controls

You may have read stories in the media about parents who have gotten stung with large, unexpected bills because of their child’s in-game purchases. The main manner by which this happens is parents accidentally letting the game “save” their credit card details. In the same way that Tesco, Amazon or any number of online businesses can save details to make payment easier, so to can video games.

From there, it is relatively easy for children or young people to make further purchases. They may do this intentionally, but it is equally likely that they will click assuming that it will not work. The best way to combat this is to ensure that you do not tick “save my payment details” when making a purchase. Alternatively, many games allow you to make physical purchases of vouchers that can be redeemed online. If you use this method, no payment details are ever processed by the game.

Photo by George Becker

Another important aspect of video gaming, particularly for younger children are parental controls. Some games have specific parental controls built in, but the easiest way to implement them is via the platform that your child or young person uses to play the game. In the case of the three games that are listed here, the “platform” is a PC, Xbox or PlayStation. Each has its own method of implementing parental controls. For a PC, this is a little more complicated, as parents will often need to install third-party programmes to monitor and restrict access to individual websites, games or programmes. Rather than suggesting a particular company, Parenting NI would advise parents to ask someone in their life who is comfortable with computers to help, or to ask for help from an expert.

For PlayStation and Xbox, setting up parental controls involves going into the settings on the consoles. On the Xbox, head to “Settings > Account > Family” and choose your child or young person’s username. From there, you will be presented with a number of options to restrict games based on age rating. On a PlayStation, go to “Settings > Parental controls/Family Management > Parental Controls”. Again, you will be presented with a number of individual options to restrict games and features.

Conclusion

Video games are a fast evolving medium. By the time that you are reading this article, it is entirely possible that all of the above games will have waned in popularity. Equally, there are thousands of games available, and your child or young person may be playing any of them.

It is important to try to know the names of the games that your child is playing. Games are regulated by the Pan European Game Information (PEGI) system, and are rated. Parents can go on to the PEGI website here, and can search for any game. This will give an overview of the content of the game, and help parents to determine if the game is suitable for their child. This system works like movie ratings, and Parenting NI would strongly encourage parents to check the ratings of every game that they know their child is playing.

The most effective step that a parent can take is communicating with their young person. While taking an active interest in the games your child or young person plays may be challenging, having a general understanding of what they play and what is involved will help allay fears and catch problems. It is unreasonable to expect a parent to have an in-depth understanding of every video game that their child may play. However, rather than seeing them as mystifying sources of concern, parents should see their children’s interest in gaming as an opportunity.

Instead of saying “this is a waste of your time” or “go outside and play”, which may lead to an argument, ask “what do you like about that game?”. Children will appreciate the chance to talk about their interests, and parents may learn more about what their child enjoys.

Call our Helpline - 0808 8010 722

Parenting Apart Belfast (Dads Only)

This programme is being delivered as part of the Dads Project and therefore is open to men only. Thanks to funding from Big Lottery Fund NI this is free for dads to attend.

Duration: Every Tuesday for 6 weeks

The Parenting Apart programme is aimed at parents who have separated, are separating, divorced or thinking of divorce.

The programme will provide practical advice and guidance about what children need to know, and what parents can do to meet their children’s need. Although parents are immersed in their own difficulties, this programme can help parents focus on the child’s needs with the aim of minimising the impact of the separation.

The programme explores:

  • Emotional impact
  • Parenting roles
  • Changes in relationships
  • Legalities
  • Financial impact
  • Moving on

To register drop us a line to dadsproject@parentingni.org or call/text 07739466532. Alternatively you can complete an expression of interest below.